


I Don't Care If This Title Has Been Taken I'm Calling It Gays In Space

by louiekablooey



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, Everyone memes, Gen, lance is in denial of gayness, not the one it deserves, pidge is nonbinary, so many mentions of ATLA, sort of, text based fic, the fic this fandom needs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-02 00:36:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10933320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louiekablooey/pseuds/louiekablooey
Summary: Crack fic for the Voltron: Legendary Defender fandom. There is salt, memes, quality Lance content, and no ships.





	1. Get Some Zuko

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you are confused:  
> mememachine is Pidge  
> cryptid_moth is Keith  
> sharpshooter is Lance  
> i-garrett-tee-it is Hunk  
> Shiro is Shiro  
> Allura is Allura  
> Coran is CoranCorantheGorgeousMan

**Group chat created by **mememachine** **********

****

** **mememachine** added **cryptid_moth, sharpshooter, Shiro, Coran, Allura, and i-garrett-tee-it** **

****mememachine:** welcome **

********

****

****

****mememachine** changed the group name to: **Gays in Space****

****Shiro:** Pidge, what is this?**

****mememachine:** crack fic**

****mememachine:** i mean a group chat stupid autocorrect**

****i-garrett-tee-it:** ohhhh yesss**

****i-garrett-tee-it:** it works!!!**

****i-garrett-tee-it:** but pidge not everyone's gay**

****mememachine:** yes everyone is**

****cryptid_moth** has left the group  
**mememachine** has added **cryptid_moth** **

****mememachine:** u can't leave dweeb**

****cryptid_moth:** fuck**

****Shiro:** language**

****cryptid_moth:** k mom**

****Allura:** Hello. Shiro, I was not aware you were a mother.**

****mememachine:** pffffttt**

****Shiro:** Princess, let me explain**

****Allura:** Please do.**

****mememachine:** keith was being a kid, it's an earth thing**

****Allura:** I was not aware Keith was still a child.**

****cryptid_moth:** im not**

****sharpshooter:** u r tho**

****cryptid_moth:** fight me**

****sharpshooter** has changed the group name to: **Keith is Gay****

****cryptid_moth:** tru**

****i-garrett-tee-it:** 'i'm the token straight friend' - lance**

****mememachine:** sure honey**

****sharpshooter:** IM FUCKIN STRAIGHT**

****Shiro:** EXCUSE ME**

****mememachine:** ur both excused**

****sharpshooter** has left the group chat  
**Shiro** has left the group chat **

****mememachine:** fuck wait no**

****mememachine:** that's not what i meant**

****mememachine** has added **sharpshooter** and **Shiro** to the group **

****sharpshooter:** let me leave u shit**

****mememachine:** no one leaves**

****sharpshooter:** *inhales***

****mememachine:** i stg if you start singing moana**

****sharpshooter:** ...**

****mememachine:** hoe don't do it**

****Shiro:** Pidge, where did you learn these words?**

****mememachine:** keith**

****cryptid_moth:** they're not wrong**

****sharpshooter:** pffft**

****mememachine:** shiro i have the internet**

****i-garrett-tee-it:** they can hack anything, dad**

****Shiro:** IM NOT A PARENT**

****sharpshooter:** i see how it is**

****cryptid_moth:** we have no family now**

****mememachine:** all by**

****i-garrett-tee-it:** OURSELVES**

****mememachine:** no just me**

****mememachine:** im the favourite**

****Shiro:** I love you all equally**

****sharpshooter:** !!!!!!!!**

****cryptid_moth:** im tearing up**

****i-garrett-tee-it:** dad?**

****sharpshooter:** we're his kids**

****mememachine:** shiro what**

****mememachine:** liar**

****i-garrett-tee-it:** take that pidge**

****mememachine:** take all of season one hunk**

****Shiro:** I am not your father**

****i-garrett-tee-it:** sure dad**

****sharpshooter:** rip shiro**

****Shiro:** Kids I have my own problems I can't deal with yours too**

****mememachine:** 2 deep 4 me**

****cryptid_moth:** thats rough buddy**

****mememachine:** ATLA REERENCE **

****mememachine:** right?**

****cyrptid_moth:** fuck yea**

****i-garrett-tee-it:** should have been zutara**

****mememachine:** THANK U**

****sharpshooter:** i thought the ending was sweet**

****sharpshooter:** tho i only ship zuko with one person**

****mememachine:** who?**

****i-garrett-tee-it:** himself**

****sharpshooter:** HUNK WHY YOU STOLE MY THUNDER**

****mememachine:** that's gay**

****cryptid_moth:** fuck off who wouldn't want some zuko**

****i-garrett-tee-it:** even i'd be lucky to get some zuko**

****mememachine:** only wish katara had gotten some**

****cryptid_moth:** ayo**

****sharpshooter** has changed the group name to: get some zuko **

****cryptid_moth:** approved**

****i-garrett-tee-it:** seconded**

****mememachine:** thirded**

****Shiro:** Blocked.**

****Shiro:** Just kidding.**

**Shiro: Zuko is quite handsome.**

****mememachine:** dad I knew u were queer**

****cryptid_moth:** gay**

****Allura:** I have been told to write "I'd get some too, though."**

****cryptid_moth:** hetero**

****mememachine** : pffftt**

****i-garrett-tee-it:** it's been soooo long but i'll never get over bryke not making zutara canon**

****Coran:** Bryke? I knew a fellow of that name once.**

****Coran:** Mighty powerful skinner, I recall. He once convinced King Felix III to walk right out of his own paddywales! **

****Allura:** Oh yes! And remember the time he convinced father to give up half of his motor for a pair of mice!**

****Coran:** Those were the days!**

****mememachine:** uh huh**

****mememachine:** coran**

****Coran:** What is it, number five?**

****mememachine:** change ur name**

****Coran:** Pardon?**

****mememachine:** like a nickname**

****Coran:** How about "Coran the Great: Defender of the Universe" also known as "The Mustached Justice Warrior" also known as "He Who Documents Weblums" or "Lady-Killer"?**

****sharpshooter:** dude you kill ladies**

****i-garrett-tee-it:** that's messed up**

****cryptid_moth:** yeah wtf**

****Shiro:** My eyes have been opened**

****Allura:** Coran?!?!?**

****Coran:** You misread me. I did not mean that I would take the ladies' lives, only that I am an attractive man who is charming to women.**

****Coran:** That's it!**

****Coran** changed his name to: **AttractiveManWhoisCharmingtoWomen** **

****AttractiveManWhoisCharmingtoWomen:** Perfect!**

****mememachine:** um**

****mememachine:** how about just**

****mememachine:** gorgeous man?**

****AttractiveManWhoisCharmingtoWomen:** What is wrong with this nickname?**

****mememachine:** nothing**

****mememachine:** i just thought you'd want people to remember**

****AttractiveManWhoisCharmingtoWomen:** Remember what?**

****mememachine:** the cubes?**

****mememachine:** coran coran the gorgeous man?**

****AttractiveManWhoisCharmingtoWomen:** How could I forget!**

****AttractiveManWhoisCharmingtoWomen** changed his name to: **CoranCorantheGorgeousMan** **

****i-garrett-tee-it:** pidge you made it worse**

****cryptid_moth:** yea**

****CoranCorantheGorgeousMan:** I think it's perfect!**

****mememachine:** rip**

****mememachine** has turned off group: **get some zuko** **


	2. Does Everyone Is Gay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More gay, more memes, more lance.

**MEMEMACHINE has opened: GROUPCHAT: Get Some Zuko**

MEMEMACHINE: okay

MEMEMACHINE: i fixed the format

MEMEMACHINE: also i added text to speech

MEMEMACHINE: u can turn it off in settings

ALLURA: Pidge, where are you? Coran needs help updating the system monitor.

MEMEMACHINE: omw

ALLURA: Pardon?

CRYPTID_MOTH: it's an acronym

ALLURA: An acronym? What is that?

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: it's like a shortened version of a pharse/word

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: omw is on my way

ALLURA: Strange. But I suppose it is an easier way for their weak human minds to remember.

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: what do you mean by that...

ALLURA: I did not realize that was messaged.

MEMEMACHINE: i changed the system to accommodate speech to text

SHARPSHOOTER: HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT GODDAMNIT--

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: LANCE OMG are you okay?????

SHARPSHOOTER: stubbed my toe

SHARPSHOOTER: it huuuurtsss

CRYPTID_MOTH: drama queen

SHARPSHOOTER: how was i supposed to know about the text speech thing?

CRYPTID_MOTH: can u read

SHARPSHOOTER: can u not be an ass?

CRYPTID_MOTH: not my point

CRYPTID_MOTH: read up

SHARPSHOOTER: ......

SHARPSHOOTER: well

SHARPSHOOTER: at least i'm not an ass

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: OH good one lance!!!

SHARPSHOOTER: why thank u, bro

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: anything for you, bro

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: btw i'm heading to the kitchen lance want anything?

SHARPSHOOTER: OMFG YESSSS

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: smoothie?

SHARPSHOOTER: yes pls

SHARPSHOOTER: u gonna get anything bro?

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: nah bro

SHARPSHOOTER: why bro?

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: because your friendship is all the nourishment i need, bro

SHARPSHOOTER: bro

SHARPSHOOTER: hey bro do u have a light?

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: um no but i can find one...?

SHARPSHOOTER: no need

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: but u just said

SHARPSHOOTER: u are my light, bro

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: bro

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: hey bro let me tie your shoe for you

SHARPSHOOTER: but why bro

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: so you won't fall for anyone else, BRO

SHARPSHOOTER: bro

**SHARPSHOOTER has changed group name to: bro**

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: bro....

SHARPSHOOTER: i had to tell the whole world we're bros

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: but i'm the only one here lance....

SHARPSHOOTER: you are my whole world, bro

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

MEMEMACHINE: okay now that we're done with that memeingful conversation

MEMEMACHINE: where's shiro

CRYPTID_MOTH: with me

CRYPTID_MOTH: training deck

CRYPTID_MOTH: y do u want to know

MEMEMACHINE: nothing

MEMEMACHINE: there's just a surprise for him the next time he logs in the chat

CRYPTID_MOTH: he says okay but you have to allura it

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: did he just...

SHARPSHOOTER: verb allura's name?

CRYPTID_MOTH: yes now i gtg

SHARPSHOOTER: so what's the surprise?

MEMEMACHINE: pm me m8

**SHARPSHOOTER has created chat: THE GARRISON GANG**

**SHARPSHOOTER has added I-GARRETT-TEE-IT and MEMEMACHINE**

MEMEMACHINE: this isn't a pm

MEMEMACHINE: also if we're sticking with the avatar theme it should be gaang

SHARPSHOOTER: valid point

SHARPSHOOTER: but first

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: what's the surprise????

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: oh here you go lance

SHARPSHOOTER: thanks bro

SHARPSHOOTER: piiidddggeee where r u

**Private message to MEMEMACHINE from CRYPTID_MOTH**

CRYPTID_MOTH: can i please leave the group

MEMEMACHINE: no u may not edgelord

CRYPTID_MOTH: i just read all the bro memes.

CRYPTID_MOTH: pidge

CRYPTID_MOTH: please

CRYPTID_MOTH: i cant take how dumb it is

MEMEMACHINE: ur dumb

CRYPTID_MOTH: how dare you

**MEMEMACHINE has entered: THE GARRISON GANG**

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: finally!!

SHARPSHOOTER: pIDGE 

SHARPSHOOTER: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN

MEMEMACHINE: around

MEMEMACHINE: anyways, you plebs, im not going to spoil the fucking surprise

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: awwe :(

SHARPSHOOTER: whyyyyy

MEMEMACHINE: did u

MEMEMACHINE: did u just ask me why i wouldn't tell u the surprise

MEMEMACHINE: that's the entire fucking point, lance

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: pidge dont be rude to my bro

SHARPSHOOTER: awe thanks b

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: but lance that was p dumb

SHARPSHOOTER: hunk,,,,

SHARPSHOOTER: why would u do me a wrong like this

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: sorry bro it's my duty to tell the truth

SHARPSHOOTER: :(

**SHARPSHOOTER has left: THE GARRISON GANG**

MEMEMACHINE: where'd lance go

MEMEMACHINE: hunk is he with u

MEMEMACHINE: hunk

MEMEMACHINE: HUNK

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: yea he's good we're just chilling

I-GARRETT-TEE-IT: but it's cute that you're worried about him :)

MEMEMACHINE: cUTE 

MEMEMACHINE: CUTE??

MEMEMACHINE: I AM A SHADOW THAT STALKS THE EDGE OF THE NIGHT

MEMEMACHINE: I HAVE NO GENDER, ONLY RAGE

MEMEMACHINE: I AM A MEANACE AND DONT U FORGET

**I-GARRETT-TEE-IT has left: THE GARRISON GANG**

MEMEMACHINE: COME BACK

MEMEMACHINE: I WASN'T DONE YELLING AT U

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's another update  
> thank for the kudos <3


End file.
